I would very much appreciate some feedback on this piece. I haven’t decided if it is complete or not. Please let me know what you think.
I washed with primrose
Rosehip and jasmine oil
On the night of the full moon
In a stream
Under hill
I bathed over pasture
And disappeared with
With every ripple
And drip
In the superb
Retrograding reflection.
TDM
I have forgotten myself many times
mostly on purpose
I have made days go by without saying
hello to a mirror
and have been even better
at making nights disappear
suffocating myself under blankets
the easiest place to be
where words are muffled and sounds elude me.
TDM
This piece is yet another work in progress. I would appreciate any feedback on composition or completion (is it complete or does it feel incomplete and abrupt).
A stray took to me
Like a fox to a fawn
And in so doing clung to my skirt
With such grip that she
almost tore me loose
From my garment
So instead of resisting
I guided her
along with me
And took rest by a bank
For I knew she would like to investigate
Just as much as I
What company had befallen her
TDM
While she lay in bed, she felt the breeze rush in from the open window. The curtains danced along with every gust and whip the wind took. What pleasure the night had brought her. What utter content it was to have the light of the moon hover outside, as she lay cloaked in sheets, sinking into cushion and feathers. Every inhale took her deeper under the covers, every exhale was a cuddle and a relief. The chirping crickets sang to her, or were a steady beat, keeping with the rhythm of her breath. If she could stay this way forever, she would.
TDM
I would skip
rocks
with my feet plunged into moss
curl my toes underneath mud
grip myself
turning a stone over in my hand
weighing it with every rotation
to make sure it wouldn’t just
plunk
to the bottom of the brook
though if it did
it would not be lonely
because there are plenty of others
who have
sunk
to the
bottom
and nestled themselves
even after they’ve skidded the rapids.
TDM
If only i could lie
in the grass for more
than just a little while
I could graze the atmosphere
with my drifting eyes
turning my head this way and
that way
I’d twitch my ears
to tune them to the sound
of daffodils being kissed
by tiny insects
I could wipe my nose clean and
inhale perfumed stardust
that would shake itself off
and hitch a ride on currents
golden flecks falling through my hair
hovering first like a halo
and I would not mind nibbles
from creatures polite enough
to make their presence known
take what they need and then leave.
TDM
With so many tears
A dismal life of clutter
And not
Having anything of value
Not a one
Decent face
with whom
To bid the morning anew
Sallow and pale
A cause for no real
Alarm
Nothing permanent to cling to
Not in object defying
Wasteland
Sleepless nights
Tangled sheets for one
With so many tears
For lights out
Without any bed time story
II
With so many tears
A hopeful breath familiar
And with
Attentive nods and grins
Always
A lovely face
with whom to
Tuck away the evening and
bid the morning anew
A smitten tide of
Suitable love,
Of comfort,
Of
Mind at ease and
Simple pace of thoughts
Heart still racing
With excited touch
Lights out
With promise of bed time stories
TDM
